Phrases I’m So Sick Of…

Some days I don’t think there’s an eye roll big enough to convey my exhaustion with some of the phrases and terms that are thrown around within learning, health and wellness communities.  What originally started out as meaningful and insightful ways to describe energetics, interpersonal dynamics and personal growth, have become so empty and hollow, that most people use them without even knowing what they mean or how to apply them. 

I don’t know about you, but I feel like we all deserve an upgrade. And since many of us are going through that very process energetically right now, why not elevate our language to match it!

Each month for the rest of the year, I’m going to pick two phrases that I’m pretty darn sick of hearing (from myself and others), breakdown what’s actually going on, and offer language that more accurately reflects the root dynamic.  Because for most of us, whenever we hear these phrases, the next thought is usually, “yeah but what does that actually mean? What do I actually do?”.

So let’s dive in…

Phrase # 1:

“Letting Go of What No Longer Serves (You)”

This one has been on every inspirational meme and come out of every coach/teacher/guide/healer’s mouth, and yet it feels hollow.  That’s because it compresses and entire transformational process into one tired cliché.  What it really entails is Recognition, Responsibility and Release:

Step 1: Recognition.  You can’t let go of something you haven’t even identified. Is it limiting belief? A toxic person in your life? A reactive pattern? An emotional trigger? Until you can consciously recognize what’s at play, you’ll just keep swimming in it. Presence and awareness are the first non-negotiable elements here.

So how do you know something isn’t serving you anymore?

To recognize that something is out of service, the first signs often show up as symptoms.  Here are some cues that what once supported you may now be constraining you:

• Emotional: frustration, irritability, apathy, mood swings

• Mental: looping thoughts, indecision, lack of clarity, over controlling, feeling stuck

• Physical: tension, anxiety, fatigue, illness, chronic stress

• Situational: the same challenges repeating, relationships breaking down, opportunities stalling

These signals are your invitation to get curious. If you’re not sure exactly what’s causing these symptoms, but you sense something needs to shift, try asking:

• When did I start feeling this way?

• What am I believing about myself or others in this situation?

• What assumptions am I making here?

• What do I wish were different, and what do I think of stopping that from happening?

• Is this a pattern or storyline I’ve seen before?

What you uncover might show up as a belief (“I have to do it all myself”), a behavior (“I overwork to prove my worth”), or a relationship dynamic (“I stay small to keep the peace”). The key is not to judge what you discover, it’s to become aware of it. Naming it clearly allows you to decide whether or not you want to choose it again. Which leads us to step 2…

Step 2: Responsibility and Willingness.  Even when we do recognize what is holding us back, part of us usually resists changing it. Why? Because that pattern, belief or relationship once served us.  It helped us cope, stay safe, or belong.  And because change makes us vulnerable - it requires effort, and it risks the unknown.  Our brains crave the familiar (what if the grass isn’t greener?), even when the familiar keeps us small.

But the moment we remember that we have agency – that we can respond differently – we reclaim our power.  This is the essence of responsibility: not blame, but response-ability.   

Yet responsibility alone isn’t enough. You can take full ownership of your behavior, your mindset, and your patterns… and still decide not to change.

What activates this step fully is willingness – the willingness to see things differently. To feel what’s uncomfortable. To experiment with a new way of being or doing, even if it’s messy and chaotic at first.

Responsibility without willingness can keep you stuck in analysis or self-judgment.

Willingness without responsibility lacks traction or learning.

Together, they create the momentum for true transformation and growth.

Step 3: Release.  “Letting go” happens once we’ve recognized what isn’t serving, taken responsibility, and are willing to do something about it.   

Release can take many forms – rewiring a belief, clearing an emotional imprint, changing a behavior, ending a relationship (of any kind), or regulating your nervous system. It might look like rest, or boundaries, or finally saying the thing you’ve been afraid to say.

The key is: it’s a conscious decision to evolve

Yes, you’re getting rid of old baggage, but it’s not to eschew the past.  You’re creating space. Space for inspiration, space for possibilities, space to align with who you are now and where you’re heading.

So instead of asking, “what do I need to let go of that no longer serves?” try asking:

 “What am I ready to move beyond?”

Or

“What have I outgrown?”

Because sometimes, what no longer serves you…

is the version of you who needed it in the first place.

Phrase # 2:

“Holding Space”

This one has been around for quite some time.  It started out as a profound idea, but now it’s tossed around so casually that it’s become trite.  I’m often asked what it actually means to hold space for someone in a conversation or dialogue. 

First, here’s what it’s not:

Holding space is not absorbing someone else’s emotions like a sponge - hoping that by carrying their heaviness, you’re helping. You’re not.

Why not? Because even if they feel better temporarily after ‘getting it out’, their energy getting absorbed by you means it hasn’t actually been released, it’s just been transferred.  Their emotion didn’t process or dissipate into the field, it simply landed in your lap like a hot potato and now you’re left holding what isn’t yours - not space. 

True release requires space that allows flow.

Holding space is the act of creating an energetic structure that helps someone’s emotions to move through without getting stuck – in either of you.  Think of it like a screen door: your steady presence forms a support that’s stable and permeable enough for their energy to flow through, be witnessed and transmit naturally back into the field. It’s not rigid or forceful, but it’s bounded. And it holds.

So holding space is active. It’s presence + boundary.  What does that look like practically?

• Listening without judgement

• Not tuning out, or rehearsing your reply

• Allowing silence

• Breathing evenly so that your nervous system can help regulate theirs

• Witnessing their experience as theirs, not yours to fix, not yours to relate to your own story                                                                                                                        

And if you’re not sure whether you’re truly holding or unconsciously absorbing, you may be absorbing, if you notice:

• Feeling heavy, foggy or tense afterward

• Replaying the conversation in your head over and over

• Feeling sudden fatigue, tension, or mood shifts that don’t seem to be yours

• People pleasing, fixing, or trying to make everything ok

Absorbing collapses the field.  Holding steadies it.  One distorts; the other allows flow. 

Holding space creates an energetic trust so that someone can feel safe enough to share what needs to move. So when someone needs an ear, think of holding space as setting an intention to stay present, with your boundaries intact.

Then that space is far from empty, it’s transformational.