Playing Badly

I was talking with my 19-year-old stepdaughter the other night, and she said something that made me feel so proud of her for realizing it, and then instantly made me feel a little sad.

She's already looking back at childhood and realizing how often she was in such a hurry to grow up that she forgot to enjoy being a kid.

And I told her, “I think a lot of us still do that, even as adults.”

Instead of racing towards adulthood, I think we’re now racing towards some imagined version of success where we arrive and everything is finally organized, calm, and figured out. We convince ourselves that if we just read one more book, listen to one more podcast, perfect one more routine, or check one more thing off the list, we'll eventually get...there.

Except there's no ‘there’ there.Life isn't quietly waiting for you once your inbox is at zero. It's not hiding behind the next accolade, or the next relationship, or the next certification.

We're optimizing ourselves into exhaustion.

And in the meantime…your life is happening.

Maybe that's why old video games were the best. The objective was simple – reach the castle, defeat the monster, save the world.

I think we subconsciously adopted the idea that life works the same way. That if we just keep grinding long enough, we'll eventually reach the final level where everything is peaceful, organized, and finally figured out.

But in life, there’s always a next level. Not because the universe is withholding the ending, but because playing is the whole point. So after that conversation, I've been wondering if we've simply forgotten how to have fun.

I know I certainly have. I think if you asked me what I do for fun, I'd probably tell you I love to travel. Or I'd list something that sounds suspiciously like self-care. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized I wasn't naming things I did for fun. I was naming things I did to recover from working hard.

But kids don't ask, "Am I making sufficient progress toward becoming a better seven-year-old?"

They just play! They build structurally unsound forts, they invent illogical games, they try ridiculous things. They laugh when it all goes terribly wrong.

Somewhere along the way, we become adults, and suddenly every activity has to justify its existence. Is it productive? Will I get better at it? Can I monetize it? Is this the optimal use of my time?

When did we decide that fun needed a business case?!

On top of that, we’re told to work hard and play hard.

Seriously? That sounds freaking exhausting.

I don’t want to play hard. That just sounds like one more thing I need to perform at.

Can’t I just play? You know…for funsies?

Another thing my stepdaughter and I talked about is how easy it is to avoid trying something that may be fun simply because we might look silly or embarrass ourselves – especially in front of others. For adults, embarrassment has become something to avoid instead of something to laugh about.

What a terrible trade.

But think about surfers. Even the really good ones wipe out. Professional surfers…Olympic surfers. Wiping out isn't evidence they're bad at surfing.

It's evidence they're surfing.Life is inviting us to participate. Fully. Messily. Joyfully. So this month, I'm challenging you to do something you're not good at.

Go play badly. I’d settle for spectacularly average.

Just enjoy the game!